Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
