I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize