I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize