he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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