went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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