What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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