Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
