hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
