Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
