there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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