found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
