So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
