You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
