No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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