Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
