I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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