I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
