WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
