I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
