The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize