hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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