Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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