why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
