worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize