I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
