Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
