Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
