I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
