why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
should my penis look like a turkey
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
