I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize