he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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