I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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