Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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