He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
