Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
