Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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