you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize