i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Dignity is for republicans.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
