this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
