He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
