I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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