fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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