It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
