The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
