The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
