Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
