Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
