I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
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