Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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