how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
