I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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