I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
