oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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