remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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