She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
