the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
