Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
