Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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