why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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