I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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