you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
