Michael Bay diarrhea
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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