I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
