She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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