my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
