i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
