oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
