I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
