I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
