I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize