ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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