A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We're too hungover to prance.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
