i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
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