With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
