i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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