The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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