Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
