Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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