We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
