I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
