I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
