So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
