A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
COCAINE IS GR8
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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