I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
