halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
