That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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