I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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