im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The best revenge is premature balding
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
