All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
