just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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