Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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