Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
