idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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