Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
