the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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