I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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