The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
soo... how was my night?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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