That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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