I didn't shave. On purpose
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
