mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize