you're like a bully in the Christmas story
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Two words: nipple clamps
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