I wannas sexs uuuuu
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
