omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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