i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
