He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
two words...techno handjob
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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